


Testers

by gleeficarchivepseud (andyetilienot)



Category: Glee
Genre: Cracky Smut, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, like really that's it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 05:08:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4335044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andyetilienot/pseuds/gleeficarchivepseud
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and Blaine find a new way to make money on the side. Originally posted <a href="http://andyetilienot.tumblr.com/post/85502862659">here</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Testers

“I’ve discovered the most amazing job. We need to do it.”

Blaine looks up from his book as Kurt bursts in. “It’s great to see you too.”

Kurt rolls his eyes as he sets down his bag. He collapses on the couch next to Blaine and kisses his cheek. “Don’t you want to know what it is?”

“I assumed you were just going to tell me…”

He rolls his eyes again and playfully shoves Blaine’s shoulder. “Blaine, this is really important.” Blaine lets out a little snort of laughter at Kurt’s slight whine, but still looks at him with an expectant smile. Kurt sits up straight and takes a long, deep breath, the dramatic effect somewhat ruined by his wicked smile.

“Condom testing.”

“Condom testing?”

Kurt gapes at Blaine for a moment. “Yes! Doesn’t it sound amazing?”

Blaine frowns, unsure why Kurt is so excited. "Uh, maybe? I mean, that episode of How It’s Made was interesting…“

"They showed condom testing on How It’s Made?!”

Blaine cocks his head in confusion. “Of course they did, it’s part of the process. You know, they blow them up and see when they pop. That’s what you’re talking about, right?” After a moment of biting his lip, Kurt bursts into laughter. “What?!”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh, but I meant testing condoms with  _sex_.”

Blaine feels his cheeks heat up slightly and bows his head. He recovers quickly when his curiosity starts to take over. “That’s a real job? I guess that makes sense, but…”

Kurt nods enthusiastically. “Obviously it wouldn’t pay well enough to be a full-time job, but it’s a real thing and we have to do it.”

“You have a sex problem,” Blaine says with a smile. Kurt laughs.

“Have you seen your ass?”

“No, but I’ve heard good things.”

Kurt leans over to give Blaine a peck on the lips. When they part, Blaine grins.

“Whoever fills out the application tops.” He picks his book up again. Kurt rolls his eyes as he stands and shakes his head with a faint chuckle as he walks to his computer.

–

It had taken several weeks, but the first set of condoms to test had finally arrived. No sooner had Kurt opened the package than he decided that they needed to start their new job  _right now_ , and Blaine agreed eagerly.

Now, though, Blaine has three fingers in his ass and his other hand wrapped loosely around his cock and Kurt isn’t touching him  _at all_. Instead, he’s perched at the foot of the bed reading the pamphlet that contains their instructions for condom testing and the questionnaire they’ll fill out when they’re done.

Kurt shows no sign of stopping any time soon, and Blaine is extremely impatient and extremely horny, so he gives himself several firmer strokes, presses his fingertips against his prostate, and gives an exaggerated moan. It’s to no avail; Kurt is still absorbed in his reading.

With a huff of breath, Blaine pulls his fingers from his ass and crawls down the bed to sit behind Kurt. He wraps one arm around Kurt’s chest and trails the other hand down to his lap. He’s a little relieved to find that Kurt is hard, and he starts to stroke him gently.

“ _Blaine_ , not yet,” Kurt whines, halfheartedly attempting to shake Blaine off. “I’m reading. I need to make sure I know what the questions are.”

Blaine can’t help but laugh. “Are you seriously going to be thinking about a survey the whole time?” When Kurt doesn’t answer, he presses his lips against the scar on his neck, eliciting a small moan but no other response. “Besides, if you forget, we can just do it again, you know…”

“We already have to do it at least five times with each type of condom,” Kurt says distractedly.

“We’re gonna need some breaks,” Blaine chuckles breathlessly. He kisses Kurt’s neck a few more times before adding, “And by ‘we’ I mean my butt.”

Finally, Kurt sets down the pamphlet and turns so he can see Blaine’s face. He smiles playfully. “Who says you’ll be the only one bottoming?”

“The fact that I usually am says so.”

Suddenly Kurt’s neck and body are gone. Blaine lets out a little confused noise before his eyes focus on Kurt. He’s standing up and is already rolling one of the condoms on. He turns to fully face the bed and gestures toward the headboard with a grin.

“Okay, spread 'em. Let’s do this.”

“Such a charmer,” Blaine snorts. Still, he shuffles backwards up the bed as Kurt crawls over him. It’s a little awkward but desperately sexy and  _god_ , Blaine is so in love with Kurt…

“I aim to please.” Kurt slides a hand up from Blaine’s hip to his cheek. He kisses Blaine hungrily as he settles between his legs. Blaine groans loudly as Kurt pushes into him.

“Mmm,  _yes_. Yes, you do.”

Once Kurt’s bottomed out, he grinds his hips slowly. Blaine’s eyes slide shut in ecstasy. He tilts his head back, and Kurt takes the opportunity to kiss and nip at his neck as he begins thrusting.

Soon, they reached a quick, rough pace. Blaine digs his fingers into Kurt’s back and moans against the sweat-salty skin of his shoulder. He rocks his hips to meet Kurt’s thrusts, savors the brush of his cock against Kurt’s toned stomach. It hasn’t been very long at all and he already feels like he’s on the edge of orgasm.

Then Kurt starts giggling.

“What’s so funny?”

“I just remembered how you thought I wanted to test condoms in a lab.”

Blaine tries to hide his face with one hand, the other still digging into Kurt’s skin.“Oh my god, stop! I’m so embarrassed.”

“Why? It was cute.” Kurt’s barely moving at all, and Blaine stares up at him incredulously, panting slightly.

“Cute? Your dick is in my ass and you’re calling me cute?!”

A devilish expression comes over Kurt’s face and he starts thrusting into Blaine again. “Ooh, baby, it’s so cute the way you take my cock! You’re so fucking cute!”

“Shut up, Kurt! I hate you!” Blaine cries, but he’s also started laughing.

“I love you too, cutie.”

“Ooh, so snarky!”

“You’re so cute when I fuck you.”

“Oh yeah, snark me hard, baby!”

“You like my big, snarky dick pounding–oh my god!”

Kurt collapses on top of Blaine. His face is buried against Blaine’s shoulder as he shakes with silent, breathless laughter.

“Why do I even like you?” Blaine mutters, running his fingers through Kurt’s hair. After a few gasping breaths, Kurt lifts his torso off of Blaine and grinds his hips into Blaine’s with a sly smile. Blaine moans as Kurt’s cock presses against his prostate. " _Right_.“

"And you love my angelic singing voice.”

“No other reasons.” Blaine’s lips are almost touching Kurt’s, and they’re both smiling. Before he can close the gap between them, Kurt pulls back a little.

“I like you because you’re so… fucking… CUTE!”

Kurt nearly crushes Blaine as he breaks down in a fit of laughter again. After a moment of staring at the ceiling, Blaine sighs.

“If you’re too busy making jokes to fuck me, do you mind letting me finish things up on my own?”

In almost no time, Kurt has Blaine’s arms pinned over his head. He’s not laughing anymore, and the look on his face is pure sex. Blaine whimpers a little.

“You were saying?”

As much as he wants Kurt to just start fucking him again, Blaine can’t let him win that easily. “You’re exploiting my weakness. I really hate you.” His voice is light, though, and he moans when Kurt gives his hips a torturously slow roll.

Blaine leans up to capture Kurt’s mouth in another rough kiss. He whines into the kiss when Kurt’s hand sneaks between their bodies to start stroking his cock. Kurt’s other hand is still pinning both of Blaine’s to the pillow.

“Oh god, Kurt. Forget everything I said. I love you so much oh my  _god_.”

Kurt runs his thumb over the slit and kisses Blaine’s jawline. “I know, baby, I know. Love you too.”

When Kurt’s strokes get quicker and rougher, Blaine knows he won’t last long. He tries to kiss Kurt’s neck, but just ends up panting into the hot skin there. “Gonna…”

“Come on, baby. Sorry for keeping you waiting. You can come now, it’s okay…”

His orgasm hits before he’s completely ready for it. It’s like being hit with a tsunami of sensation and he lets himself drown in it. Nothing matters except for Kurt’s hand on him and Kurt’s cock fucking him through it and just  _Kurt_.

He’s just started coming down from his high and is almost too sensitive when Kurt finally comes inside him. Kurt stays there for a few moments as they trade touches and kisses until it starts to get uncomfortable. When he pulls out, Blaine is both relieved and disappointed. He rubs his eyes with the back of his wrists as Kurt comes back and starts wiping them off with a tissue.

Kurt barely makes any effort to clean them up. Once he’s gotten the worst of the come off of Blaine’s stomach, he lies down again and wraps his arms loosely around Blaine.

Blaine knows they need to fill out the questionnaire, but his body feels so comfortably heavy and Kurt is so warm and he doesn’t want to move.

Finally, Kurt speaks.

“We should do it both ways. You know, to be thorough.”

“I love the way you think.”


End file.
